What’s up, wub-loving wobbuffets! I’m back with a brand new selection of scintillating dubstep remixes of classic video game themes, perfect for battering your brain, irritating old people and reducing buildings to rubble with their booming basslines…
“Huh…? What was that…? CP, come in CP, this is Zulu 7. I heard a suspicious noise just now, I’m gonna go check it out.”
Titanfall has landed, plummeting down from the heavens in a crackle of thunder and smoke. But, even as the dust begins to settle, the shock wave left behind by Respawn Entertainment’s première shooter continues to play havoc with my life.
I’m leaping over electric beams, gnawing on exposed wires and scampering around grime-covered vents with a pack of squeaking accomplices. I am – believe or not – a sewer rat.
“Oh, so you’re a rat now…?” My girlfriend asks puzzlingly. “Aren’t you supposed to be Dracula?”
Typing has become fundamental to humanity’s existence. Ok, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but it’s a skill that almost all of us possess and rely on day-to-day.
There are no guns in Super Mario 3D World – no brutal melee kills or unnecessary expletives. You won’t encounter any micro-transactions forcing you to pay over the odds, a DLC season pass, or any contrived quick-time events covering up a developers’ lack of ideas.
There’s nothing I love more than a old good sing-along, a holiday to Bulgaria taught me that much. Every night, without fail, me and my friend would take to the stage…
Nintendo are renowned for sailing against the wind. I for one hope they never change.
Honestly, trust Nintendo to offer a remastered, ten-year-old GameCube game as their rebuttal to the threat of Sony and Microsoft’s upcoming consoles. If it was anyone else, you’d be forgiven for thinking they’d lost their marbles.