Foul things these monsters.

Oiiiii! How’s it goin’, hunters? With the release of Monster Hunter 4: Ultimate in the west fast approaching, I thought it was about time we revealed the final 5 most obnoxious monsters from Monster Hunter 3: Ultimate. If you missed the first 5, don’t forget to check them out.

Will these infuriating and ornery beasts make it into the sequel? I sure as hell hope not, because they’ve caused me enough grief already.

5. Uragaan/Steel Uragaan

What rolls around like an over exuberant drunk, has a bigger jaw than Stan from American Dad, and is quicker on its feet than a skittish cat? Yep, its an Uragaan.

The Uragaan has a chin of steel (quite literally in the Steel Uragaan’s case), but the Uragaan’s facial monstrosity isn’t used for anything particularly useful – not that I can tell, anyway. Nope, this monster uses its gargantuan jawline for annoying hunters, and nothing else.

You don't want to be chinned by an Uragaan.

You don’t want to be chinned by an Uragaan.

The Uragaan smashes its chin against the ground like a toddler throwing a tantrum, causing you to stumble as the earth judders beneath. By the time you’ve recovered from the Uragaan-induced tremors, you’ll be peeved to see the Uragaan has managed to swiftly move away from your attacking position. So you try again, only to be met by another chin smash, then the tremors and “ta da!”, the Uragaan’s time-sapping magic trick happens yet again. And then he rolls away to another part of the map.

Urgh, Uragaans.

4. Rathian/Pink Rathian

Rathians are beautiful, fearsome creatures. Their piercing roars can make the most hardened of hunters’ knees shake and they always provide a rigorous challenge while roaming the Deserted Island.

And luckily, it’s all totally worth it, because the Rathians’ scales and talons can make some seriously sweet armour and killer weaponry. But that’s where the compliments end…

The pink Rathian is so fashionable right now.

The Pink Rathian is so fashionable right now.

Rathians are obnoxious for two simple reasons: their near undodgeable tail spin, including the poison somersault variant, and the fact they breathe fire, fly around, and their precious resources never ever seem to drop. Like ever.

3. Gigginox/Baleful Gigginox

Poison. Has there ever been a more soul-destroying affliction in the history of video games? It just saps away at your health, nagging at you that you quickly need to take an antidote until “whoops! Too late, you’re dead! Tee hee!”

The Gigginox is a foul, disgusting… thing.

Imagine if there was a creature that constantly spammed poison attacks? That would suck, right? Well, what if it spammed poison attacks, was only susceptible to damage on certain areas of its body and could become enraged making it even more difficult to kill? Sadly, such a creature exists: the Gigginox.

Yuck. Vile creature.

Yuck. Vile creature.

The Gigginox is a foul, disgusting… thing. It can fly (somehow), climb walls and ceilings, harden parts of its body and lay gross eggs that explode into, you guessed it, poison. I had to create a specific armour set just to offset the Gigginox’s constant cheap tactic of poison, poison, poison.

Admit it. The mere thought of facing a Gigginox makes your blood boil, doesn’t it?

2. Brachydios

Is there a more formidable foe in the Monster Hunter ecosystem than the Brachydios? In my opinion, no. I respect the Brachydios just as much as I loathe it. And boy, do I loathe it.

The Brachydios is a steaming piece of slimey sh… sorry, I nearly lost my cool there. And that’s because it just loses the plot and turns completely insane once you’ve delivered too many monster-sized boo boos.

Look at it, wallowing in the slime. Or are they my gooey tears?

Look at it, wallowing in the slime. Filthy beast.

Like a steroid infused rage rhino, the Brachydios yells “enough is enough!” and transforms into a hunter’s nightmare. You’ll be tossed around like a flaming rag doll as the Brachydios leaps, swings and explodes all over your hopes and dreams. Eventually he calms down, toying with the idea that maybe, just maybe he’ll go quietly for once… But then the rage rhino returns, angrier than ever.

1. Qurupeco/Crimson Qurupeco

The Qurupeco is the troll of the Monster Hunter kingdom. If it had a Twitter account, it would be the most hated person in the history of the universe. No doubt about it. I hate it more than anything I’ve ever encountered.

The Qurupeco is obnoxious personified. It’s flamboyant, arrogant, and an absolute pain to fight. Not because it’s difficult to kill, or particularly strong. No, the Qurupeco’s ace in the hole is its ability to heal itself and call in other monsters.

I hate you, Qurupeco. I hope you know that.

I hate you, Qurupeco. I hope you know that.

Yes, you read that correctly, the Qurupeco can heal itself and call other monsters. Bigger, more stronger monsters. Like a Deviljho, or a couple of Rathians, making the Qurupeco the equivalent of the guy who spouts abuse while stood behind three bulky blokes.

The Qurupeco is the troll of the Monster Hunter kingdom.

So while you’re running for your life at the sight of a Deviljho, the Qurupeco gleefully heals itself. And then it flies away. Far away. To the most obscure point on the map because it knows you forgot to use a paintball to track it.

Burn in monster hell you cowardly, pecking scum bag.

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